Would you like to stop drinking Alcohol, but you are just too busy?

Is this a problem for you?  Do you deep down want to stop drinking alcohol.  But feel that the emotional burden of stopping is just too much?  I admit, at first the thought of quitting alcohol can seem a bit too complicated.  I understand that there is huge mound of conflicting information out there.  And the list of demands seems to get longer and longer.  Do you have an issue finding time for these things;

• the motivation to step up, but hey, I am already tired
• the time to self-reflect, but I am already too busy
• the motivation to change my attitude and temperament – but I am stressed at work
• the time to be there for my kids – I don’t have any time for me
• the time to listen to others – but who is listening to me?

Believe it or not, finding time for all of these things is possible, and in fact completely aligned with quitting drinking.  Take it from me – achieve the latter, and the rest is easy.  Let me show you how.

What is masculinity and does alcohol play a part?

Being masculine is about competitiveness, strength and above all, being tough.  Traditionally male role models are judged on these attributes, and frequently, the absence of these characters is demonstrated to be somehow less than what is expected of a real man.  So in the modern world, how do we help young men to learn empathy and to treat others kindly?  Boys are taught not to cry, not to share emotions, how to compete at all levels, and to never give up.  Where do they learn the gentle arts of caring for others?  They sure don’t need to see you drinking.  That is not a good role model.

It is not easy to stop drinking alcohol

Boys grow up to be men, and the same thing happens – they have to compete through the educatio

n system, compete for the best job, and of course the winner is the one who earns the highest salary – right?  What about mutual respect, diplomacy, authenticity, or maybe even showing a bit of love.  Oh – have I gone too far?

I think boys just need a role model who knows how to keep it real.  But make sure that it is authentic, and not a pumped up, alcohol fueled caricature of what we think we need to be.  My kids don’t need Super Dad, they just need me!

Your kids just need you. Make sure you are there for them

So what do we need to do?  How do we do it?

Here is a good idea – talk!  Whatever you do, be able to talk to your mates, your acquaintances, your kids.  Do whatever it takes to open a communication channel and be available when your child needs to use it.  Be honest. And be real. Be honest.

Be available when someone starts to talk to you.  Become a good listener, become an involved listener, and become connected in what they are doing.

Stop drinking alcohol in front of kids

These are especially important skills when you are talking to your kids. Not everything will be a balanced and mature conversation, that’s your job!  But be the mature adult in the conversation, and if you need to apologize for something, then get over yourself and do it!   Teach them by doing.  Admit your mistakes.  Own up to your stuff ups.  Shit happens – we all make mistakes.  It takes a lot of pressure off kids when they learn it is okay to make mistakes, fess up, and move on.  You would be surprised how seriously they can feel about a minor mis-deed, and how worried they are about retribution over something totally trivial.  Learn from each other how to take responsibility for mistakes, and then learn the wonderful and mutual feeling of forgiveness.

Learning to forgive and forget can be the biggest tool in your search to be free.

What role does sport play in a Man’s life?

Sport has always been an extremely important part of my life, but I am ashamed to say that good sportsmanship has not always been easy to achieve.  I would also have to admit that alcohol is given way too much importance as one of the rights of passage within the team environment.  Would the team perform any better or worse if they could stop drinking alcohol?

More importantly – what role does alcohol play in sport?

I can’t criticize people for wanting to blend in, to be part of the team, and to want to feel that deep sense of belonging that is part of our most ancient instinct.  To be part of the herd, to one of the tribe, to not stand out from the crowd. These are all natural instinctive human behaviors, but what is not part of the human design is the need to shovel alcohol into such a heady mix of behavior molding, pattern building and habit forming.

In fact, coaches all over the world are aware that in order to perform better, we all need to bond as a team unit, and once achieved, the team output will be noticeably stronger as a team than if the bonding elements of the team are absent.  Unfortunately, alcohol seems to have intruded even this basic level of human interaction, such that it seems team bonding is not complete without a hefty dose of alcohol thrown into the mix.  Better to avoid the alcohol trap.

Our kids need us to be present as a mature voice of reason and logic at all times.

So how can I stop drinking alcohol?

How often do we observe men and boys acting out their masculine heroism on the field of play?  How often do we see extreme behaviors exhibited under the guise of serious competiveness, when really – it is just a game?  The game is great for physical health, but what are we learning about emotional maturity?  What are boys and men learning about behavior on and off the field?  It is only after the play is over that we hear the cry – oh well doesn’t matter who won, it was just a game.  Not so during the intensity of the competition.  How do our children learn compassion for others, to help a competitor rise from the ground, to feel empathy for those who did not win?

Teach your kids to have empathy

Well – they learn it from us!  The responsible, compassionate and empathetic adult who is nearest and dearest to them.  I want my kids to grow up to become warm and compassionate men who understand love and respect for others. Men who treat other people with tolerance and kindness.  Those who are confident and strong using resilience to get by rather than relying on the power of the ego. Men are to listen, understand and reflect on another person’s opinion.

Stop drinking alcohol just to be part of the crowd

The harder I work to become one of these types of people, the more I realized that my kids are looking to me for leadership, and they amaze me that they already know the right way.  If I don’t act appropriately, they are left confused as to which is appropriate for them, and it is this confusion which leaves kids lost and looking to validate their behavior from some other role model.

Be part of the change you want to see.

Time to step up – stop drinking alcohol and be a better Man!